Thanks. Working through the degree has
certainly been tougher than anything I ever even thought I could handle.
Granted, I went from almost entirely A’s at a tough school to just
passing my classes and not understanding anything while putting in
probably twice the amount of work.
There were quite a few times I considered dropping, but ultimately I
decided that dropping would be much worse. The days when I don’t have
any work seem to be the worst. Struggling to understand lectures and
homeworks is difficult, but having the same level of difficulty when
trying to watch youtube or read an interesting book is even worse - I
can’t even enjoy my free time. At the same time, staying in college has
at least let me maintain some semblance of normality. I still get to see
my friends, take classes, and at least experience what feels like 10%
of a college experience.
I think it’s important to hold on to everything we can for as long as
we can. Every year I’ve improved as a person: learning new things,
meeting new people, etc. Last year, I ceased to tackle anything new, and
simply held on to what I had built up over the years. I’m certainly not
progressing anytime soon, but I refuse to digress if possible.
(Granted, I’m likely not at the point you are. Soon, it might be
impossible to even pass my classes. At that point, it seems like the
no-knowledge lifestyle is the only option as you say.)
I would definitely encourage you to talk to your friends about it, if
you’re still somewhat close with them. I also used excuses for why my
grades started tanking - I used to just tell my friends that GPA didn’t
matter much for CS so I didn’t care. By hiding the symptoms though, I
stopped myself from getting advice from them, which has definitely
turned out to be helpful. At the same, hiding your symptoms only makes
it harder for people to believe once you finally reveal them.
I’m glad you’ve finally been able to find some explanations!
Definitely keep us updated if you discover anything. What do you think
you’re doing differently moving forward compared to the last few years?
Funny how you mention strategy games. Last year when it all started, I
used to play chess daily against my roommate. I used it as a metric to
see how the brain fog was improving. Eventually, I just stopped since I
could never remember any strategy. He would use the same moves against
me day after day and I just wouldn’t remember them.
I think it helps to latch onto something for motivation. My choice to
study CS and Bio wasn’t completely random - after spending so much time
with brain fog, I’ve come to realize how little is understood about it,
and I’d love to change that. Once I get past this, I hope to at least
help a few of the people on this sub.